Not the Jedi Way
by comfycashmere
Summary: When I played Kotor II as a LSF, I couldn't help but wonder if there was ever anything between the exile and Kavar. This is a short story that depicts a revealing interaction between the exile, Meetra Surik, and her former Master, Kavar, when she was still training on Dantooine. (By the way, I do not own any of the characters or the rights to the characters or the games!) Enjoy!


While Kavar wasn't her primary Master, he was her favorite. From the time she began training with him at the early age of fourteen in the Jedi Academy on Dantooine, she felt a connection, and had developed a crush almost immediately. Kavar was younger than the other Masters at the academy, in his mid-twenties when he began training her. Meetra thought about how handsome he was, with dark blonde hair and teal-blue eyes, and how easy it was for her to fall for him.

In addition to being handsome, Kavar was incredibly patient with Meetra, far more patient than she knew she deserved. Meetra was quick-tempered and stubborn, two personality traits that concerned the more conservative Jedi Masters such as Vrook. Vrook would lecture her on the dangers of such outbursts, reminding her that "there is no emotion, there is peace." Kavar on the other hand was amused by her defiance. He would lecture her occasionally, but mostly, he would just punish her by making her run an extra mile or two, or by sparring with him longer.

"This behavior of yours is that of a child's," he once told her after a rough sparring match that didn't end in Meetra's favor. They were out in the plains of Dantooine, alone, without any other student in sight. Meetra's face had grown hot from his comparison of her to a child.

"I'm not a child, I'm nearly seventeen," she argued back, but Kavar seemed to never take her words as seriously as she would have liked him to. He laughed, a warm and amused laugh, as he planted himself on the grass and stretched his legs out.

"Ahh, right, how could I be so foolish? Seventeen is the year of woman-hood." He was being sarcastic with her, but Meetra did not want him to think of her as a child or a joke. By the time she was seventeen, her adolescent crush developed into deeper feelings for her Master. She knew it was inappropriate, and most likely could lead to nothing, but the bond between the two of them made it impossible for her to see reason or logic. She wanted him in both physical and romantic ways, and she knew that nothing could ever come of this if he saw her as a child. She would flirt shamelessly with him - touch his muscular arms or legs when given the chance, wear tighter or less articles of clothing when they exercised together, and would even rest against his arm while he discussed what he expects of her at their next session.

"I am not a child because my needs and wants are not that of a child's," Meetra carefully explained. "I may not be an adult, but I am a young woman, and I want - I need you to see that." She stood next to Kavar, looking down onto his face. His face softened, but the slightest hint of a smile remained. He patted the grass next to him. She sat, and waited for his response, while wondering in the back of her mind if she was wrong for confronting him in this way.

"I know you're not a child, Meetra, but you are my student. I have a responsibility for you and my other students. For that reason, I almost feel as though I'm a parent or at least a mentor to you. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Feeling desperate, Meetra blurted out, "I don't want you to think of me like a student or like my parent." Meetra faced away from Kavar, mostly out of embarrassment, but also because she could not bear to face rejection from him directly. Kavar paused thoughtfully, and then asked quietly, almost under his breath, "How would you like me to think of you?"

Meetra, not expecting that open of a response, swallowed hard. _You've come too far to go back now, Meetra, better come clean and hope he doesn't laugh at you. Or worse - refuse to train you anymore._ "I'm not...entirely sure." She exhaled, and closed her eyes before continuing. "I have feelings for you, Kavar. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I have for a while now. I understand that you would never feel the same for me, but it makes me feel even more foolish when you look at me like the others. Like I am a child or am nobody to you." Meetra kept her eyes closed for another moment and then opened them. They sat at lowest point of a grassy hill on one of the further out plains of the Academy. No students or facility were in sight; they truly were the most private they had ever been. Silence and tension flowed between them for what felt like an enternity to Meetra. She listened closely and heard the light whispers of the summer wind around her ears. Finally, Kavar sighed.

"I have noticed you, Meetra...," he started. Meetra snapped her head around to look at him. He was clearly uncomfortable in his confession, but Meetra hoped he wouldn't stop. "You are...a very beautiful, ambitious, and strong young woman. I have watched you develop from a young girl into the blossomed woman you are now, and I have to admit that I have...thought fondly of you on many occasions. You have many traits that I would find...desirable in a partner, if it were allowed. But this cannot be for many reasons." Kavar looked down during his confession, but then finally glanced up slowly to meet with Meetra's eyes.

What Kavar confessed, wasn't false. He thought of Meetra frequently, and in ways he knew were not appropriate. Meetra was a petite girl, no taller than five-three and weighed one-hundred and twenty when wet. Her body was tight, and when she wore form-fitting clothes for her sessions with him, the slight contours of her muscles and curves of her lovely figure became apparent. She had long chestnut hair that touched her lower back with ease, and often wore her hair in a loose braid that would lazily sway as she sauntered about the Academy. Her eyes matched her hair, and when the sun would hit them, they resembled the warm, golden sunset on Tatooine. Her lips were plump, but often had minor marks on her bottom lip from her poor habit of biting her lip when thinking. Kavar often found himself imagining running his thumb over that bottom lip of hers. He wondered if she would playfully bite the tip of his thumb like she would her lip. Thoughts like this were not appropriate, he knew, for many reasons. He was older than her, and he was one of her Masters. Additionally, it is not the Jedi way to form attachments of any kind, including physical attachments.

Kavar knew that not everyone followed the Jedi code completely, at least not the part on avoiding attachements. He heard rumors of Meetra being intimate with her close allies, Revan and Alek, along with a number of other students, both male and female, human or non-human. Whether all of these allegations had merit to them or not, it would not have surprised or shocked Kavar in the slightest if it turned out that Meetra had broken various Jedi rules with both Revan and Alek. The three seemed inseparable - and Kavar had noticed how touchy the young men were with Meetra. Kavar couldn't blame them, she was beautiful and charismatic. Whether she realized it or not, she had many suitors, including a younger blonde boy who trailed behind her almost wherever she went. Her ability to form attachments so easily with others was one of her greatest traits.

Kavar pulled his focus back to the present, and cleared his mind. Meetra blushed slightly, and she nodded in agreement. "You're right, I suppose, but I don't like it. I'm sorry, Kavar...for all of this." She had her head held low, and her knees were pulled to her chin.

"You don't need to apologize. You've always struggled with containing your emotions, and with remaining at peace like a proper Jedi should. This only means I have to train you harder than before."

"You're keeping me as your student? Even knowing what you know now?" Meetra looked up and asked incredulously.

"Of course, you're one of my most promising students. One of my most troubling, but you do have a lot of potential," Kavar smiled at Meetra playfully. Meetra punched him in the arm lightly and then looked into his eyes. She felt relieved, like the weight of the galaxy was off her shoulders. In response, she fell against his body and hugged him. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and her knees and thighs pressed against his side. Kavar didn't react initially, but slowly and cautiously, he wrapped his strong arms around her back and squeezed her to his chest. They stayed like that for a moment, taking each other in.

They both started to pull away at the same time, but hesitated as their cheeks lightly grazed each other. Meetra decided to seize the moment, and turned her face slightly so that her lips lightly touched Kavar's. She didn't dare look him in the eye, but when he didn't push her away or pull his face back, she kissed again, ever so lightly. Meetra waited again, and there was nothing. This time she kissed him like she imagined, more aggressive and passionate. She slid her hands down the side of this neck and cupped his face. Kavar slid one of his hands up her back and cupped the back of her neck, feeling her hair tangle around his fingers, and pulled her face in more. Meetra opened her mouth slightly, and lightly ran her tongue along Kavar's bottom lip, making his body stiffen against hers. She smiled against his mouth and moved her legs so that she was now straddling him. Kavar opened his mouth and allowed Meetra to explore with her tongue. She began massaging her tongue against his, and he moaned into her mouth. Kavar felt the blood rushing to his lower body, and desperately wanted to feel Meetra from the inside. Meetra began grinding her hips against his, wanting and needing Kavar to be inside of her.

Kavar slid the hand that was on her neck down to one side of her hip, and his other hand on the other. Meetra thought he did this to pull her against him even more, but was shocked when he held her moving hips still. He slowly broke the kiss, and moved his face about a foot away from Meetra's. His eyes were serious, and he frowned.

"I'm sorry Meetra, but I...can't give you what you want, and what you think you need..." he told her quietly. Gently he picked her up off of him and he stood. Her brows were pulled together in confusion, and her eyes held a million questions. "What I told you, how I think of you, is true. I believe I do love you, in some way. However, my duties as your Jedi Master are far greater to me than my personal desires."

Meetra could barely look at him; she blinked tears back as quickly as she could, so that Kavar could not see her in a weak state. Not knowing what to say, she rubbed her temples and looked at the ground. _How mortifying -_ she thought to herself - _how could he possibly train me now or even look at me? How can I look at him?_ Perhaps Kavar read her mind, or maybe he could feel waves of disappointment and embarrassment roll off of her, but he dropped to one knee, and gently placed his hands on her small shoulders. "Meetra, I believe you are destined for something great, and because of that, I will continue to train you. Perhaps if I wasn't your mentor, and you were not my student, or if neither of us were Jedi, then we could...be something together. But given our situation, we have to be honest and admit that we cannot have a relationship stronger than friendship. Please understand me, Meetra. Understand that this is difficult for me as well. I ask for you to refrain from making advances toward me, and to not think of me romantically. I want to train you, and one day you can be my padawan-" Meetra looked up and into his eyes "-but if you make any more advances or flirt with me, I will be forced to report you to the council. Do you understand?"

Meetra could feel the heat from fresh tears sting her eyes. She wanted to fight this, and make Kavar understand that matter what the council may think, she will continue to love him. She always strongly disagreed with the Jedi rule on not forming attachments with others. How could something so wonderful and passionate be terrible in the council's eyes? Meetra was aware of the looks she was given by fellow students and Masters. While they could not prove it, they believed that she was intimate with many students, including her best friends at the academy, Revan and Alek. It is true that she formed attachments easily with everyone, but she never fully submitted her body to anyone. She fooled around with both Revan and Alek, on different occasions, but it never escalated to having sex. She had feelings for Revan, not as strong as her feelings were for Kavar, but he did not feel the same. Alek on the other hand was infatuated with Meetra, but she did not see him as anything but a close friend. She began to wonder if Kavar believed the rumors, and was if he was disappointed in her.

Meetra nodded stiffly in response to Kavar's question. She felt defeated, and hated herself for not fighting, but she did not want to disrespect her Master. Kavar smiled sadly, and then took Meetra's face in his hands. She closed her eyes, wanting to take this moment in while she could. His hands were warm and surprisingly soft despite the battles he fought in and work he did on a daily basis. He kissed her gently on her forehead, and then kissed her mouth. While the kiss felt restrained, there was still a passion behind it that made Meetra truly believe that he did love her.


End file.
